Angels & Aliens, Part I - The Weird

I study The Weird. I love The Weird. Even before the Internet, I've read entire volumes, A-Z, of conspiracy theories, cryptozoology, the occult, UFO's, ancient aliens, psychic powers and all of that wacky stuff. Some people collect baseball cards. I collect The Weird.

Two kids named Hansel and Gretal walk into the woods, get lost, find an inviting little house, and nearly get eaten by an evil old lady who probably dabbles in black magic. The kids trick their captor, get away, and the witch is burned for her evil.

Did this really happen? Maybe not. But I'm sure that plenty of little kids living centuries ago in the wilderness of Germany stepped into the woods and never came out.

Hansel and Gretal is a conspiracy theory. The moral is there, though. "Don't go into the dark woods, no matter how enticing, because if you do something awful will eat you." 

The legend of the Black Annis is basically about a monstrous, child-eating witch with claws of iron that haunted the forests of England.

It's basically no different than Jason Voorhees running around Silver Lake slaying every teenager he can find, especially the ones who are having sex. Get it? Hansel and Gretal sinned because they were greedy (and probably disobeyed their parents), the teenagers that keep going to the campground made so legendary by the Friday the 13th series commit another sin. So they get slaughtered.

The myth is the same. The moral is the same. The packaging has changed, but the script has not been flipped.

Did you know, by the way, that in the original Friday the 13th film it's not Jason Voorhees that goes on a killing spree, but his old, witch-like mother, stabbing teenagers to death with her edged, claw-like weapons?

Today, we still have those little myths in the form of modern day conspiracy theories. UFO's and Grays are just one of them.

Of course, the subject of Grays is a huge conspiracy theory. It's gigantic! It's right next to Freemasonry, JFK and bigfoot. What can I possibly tell you that you haven't heard before?

GRAYS TODAY

The basic premise is that Grays are aliens that come from another galaxy and show up on Earth to study humans. Most readers understand that these guys kind of hit the scene after the famous Roswell crash back in 1947, and have gotten bigger ever since. For some reason, there are even hippy posters that advertise them.

Now, if you Google Grays you get 344,000 hits or more. YouTube has plenty of videos about them. They are a solid subject in our pop-culture.

Some stories are pretty benign. On some forums, the discussion involves whether or not they are here to educate us and liberate humanity so it can join the Universal Brotherhood without nuking itself.

Other tales are morbid, involving experimentation, forced pregnancy, probes, drinking blood, implants, etc.

On some forums, though, this is basically sci-fi erotic fantasy.

Let's face it...someone, somewhere out there, really 

wants to get pegged by a Gray. 

Communion: A True Story by Whitley Strieber is pretty fucking scary, no matter how you look at it. Beautiful visions of a united Earth civilization aside, abductions and mechanical rape is straight outta Stephen King. The story is old, now, but at the time Strieber had a proposal that was completely innovative, true or not.

Why are aliens here? To steal us and experiment on us so that we can either give birth to their hybrid children, or that they want to give birth to ours. Either way, fuuuuuck that.

Where did they come from? How new are they? We'll talk about that in part II.